Seshen. Oct 24.2006

I awoke to find myself wrapped in a dense mist or fog. So dense was this mist, that I could not even see my feet. I had no idea of where I was. I just kept walking, with my arms extended, trying to reach out for something… a wall or… anything. Something went past my leg, rubbing itself against me. A scream caught in my throat, but I kept on walking. It seemed this fog would never subside.  I heard something now. Someone was singing. I kept listening, and I realized that the singing was more like chanting, and that the fog had a sweet, wooden smell to it. It was incense. More things started to rub against my feet and my legs. It was soft, like a fur, but still, I couldn't make out any form in the dense incense fog.
 After I kept walking, following the chanting voice, I finally reached a place where the incense was not covering anything. I got to see the chanting man, who was wearing a robe with his head shaved. A few girls where behind him carrying fruit baskets just as the priest had.  He was offering it to a stone idol, which was about six feet high and made of black granite. It was a big cat with gold earrings and necklace. I saw in the floor lots of cats wandering about, and some drinking milk in a short but large bowl. Those where the things that went past me! The priest looked at me, and made a small bow of his head but never did he stop his chant. I walked out of the temple, and remembered suddenly the name of the stone idol:  Bastet; the cat goddess of crops. I was blinded by the sudden light of the mid-day. Re was shining on us and I wished Khepri would hurry up with his job of moving the sun disk across the sky. Memory was slowly crawling back to me. I had gone to the temple of Bastet to make an offering, so the crops of my late father would grow and make good harvest. I didn't know why I even made that offering, knowing deep in my heart that the stone idol would never listen to me. I also knew that there was no such thing as 'gods' or 'goddesses'. I made the offering because of tradition. I thought of Re, Osiris and Khepri, out of tradition, not because I actually believed in any of them. But my mom sure did… and now she's dead.  Or as she would've said, she was with Osiris in the fields of Sekhet-Aaru, the Field of Reeds, and an abiding habitation in the Sekhet-hetepet; Field of Offerings. She would've been very confident that she would pass the test of the judgment of the heart and be reunited with her husband, Ptah in the afterlife. She had insisted all her life that in her sarcophagus we put ushtabis carved to the likeness of her dear slaves. I wondered for a minute if she was fine, and if she had in fact, be reunited with dad.
I recalled having gone to the temple, but fell asleep. I had not slept all night and went early to the temple. I had gone there just to please my superstitious servants, who urged me to go. Even if I did not believe, they believed. When I got out of the temple, my servant Horemhotep was waiting in the chariot for me. He had brought ta-heneket; beer and bread, for me. He knew me too well.
"N-Ka-k" He said. "To your ka", he made a toast. I drank thirstily and eat a piece of bread then spitting out a little rock that was in the bread. "I brought you this snack before the sety-r which you like so much." I smiled as I stepped into the chariot.
"Today, Horemhotep, I would like to eat lunch someplace else than my house. Do you have any recommendations?" I asked.
"Well, I do hunet Seshen. There is this little place where they serve good hippopotamus, near the Iteru."
"If it is near the river, it means that they have fish. I have no appetite for hippo." I replied. Horemhotep took us to the small, struggling place. I knew it would serve good food because Horemhotep was a fan of food as I was. I liked to come to these places, disguised as a normal woman with a coat on top of me. People often got nervous when they saw my jewelry, because it spoke of my nobility. I didn't want them to feel anxious when around me. The Nile breeze felt good against my hot face and the racing of my two black stallions Wind and Thunder. Thanks to them, we got to the place quickly. We sat near a window, in the floor, and a nice woman with long, wavy hair from Canaan served us fish. It was great as I had predicted it. Horemhotep knew how to pick the places. We left the little place, but I was not ready to come home to my duties yet. I decided to walk around the market, and shop for perfume and maybe some jewelry, which I like a lot.  After much browsing around the marketplace, I came across this beautiful vase. It gave me the idea, that I could reproduce it. I usually painted vases for my own pleasure, but never did anything about them! And my work was much better than this. Maybe I should open a shop someday, and get paid for doing something I really like. I kept on walking by the busy streets of people from all over the world; merchants, who were trying to sell me something. I smelled the spices, and drew in every color of the jewelry, tapestry and amulets. As I walked, Horemhotep was waiting for me in the chariot, knowing that I would be fine. I always did this. But now, I was not dressed as a commoner, but as myself, Isis Seshen, daughter of Ptah, the brother of the vizier. Not that it mattered right now. My father was dead, as was my mother. And I, Isis, should care of the name of my family, and take responsibility over my brother, Menkauimen. I was responsible for the grain crops and its numerous profits. It was way too much for me to handle, at such a young age and not being married yet. I knew very few people of my age that were not married, but my dad died before he could arrange it. I had to take over the estate's wealth. I had no choice.
I decided not to think of any of these things now, because it troubled me deeply. I wanted to get away from everything, and the market was just the place to do it. This market was overshadowed by the pharaoh's palace. I loved to visit the palace from time to time, when I was a little girl, but now, I had not been inside the palace's walls for about a decade. Things must have changed in the Per-AA. An idea overcame me. I wanted to see this palace once again, and be in the shadow of its sycamore trees in the royal gardens. I walked past the guards, who were obviously happy to see a young maiden.
"Ii-uy.  Inedj her-k nefer hunet, sudja ib." He welcomed me and told me that I made his heart happy. I blushed, but continued on.  It was uncommon to see a young noble, like myself, to walk unaccompanied on the palace grounds. I had no escort, no fanning servants, litter servants or shade servants with me. But I didn't care. I did not need them, and thought that having them was useless, unless I wanted to show my status.
I walked to the gardens, and a particular gate took my interest. Its gates had a lotus flower on them. They were my favorite flowers. I walked in to the garden, without the guard noticing anything. I guess he was too concentrated on some other girl. In the middle of the garden, there was a pool filled with lotus flowers and lotus blooms. I was awestruck! There were as many of them as there were stars in the gereh. I slowly approached them, overcome by the sweet scent of them that filled the air. There were blue lotus flowers, purple lotus flowers, white and pink, all filling the lotus shaped pool.
            I took a small one from the pool and took it to my nose, so I could inhale the sweet smell of it. I was just fascinated by just having a garden dedicated to my favorite flower. I remembered my mom. She was the one who picked the name, Seshen for me. It meant "The lotus one". I smiled, because she somehow knew that it was going to be my favorite flower all along.  I sat on a bench under a sycamore tree and besides the shenu trees; the acacias were in bloom. The bench had a lotus mosaic on it. I couldn't help but smiling and being happy. I sat there, just looking at the flower, entranced by its beauty.



I am on the verge of finishing my surgery rotation and I have to say, I liked it less than I expected. I thought it would be a mind-boggling experience, that the skies would open and I would see an angel coming down from heaven and that the angel would tell me that this was the thing I was supposed to do for the rest of my life. Reality, of course, was much more anticlimactic. I haven't received any sort of confirmation and probably, on the contrary, I am more confused than ever.

Some things I did like were the back and forth, the up and down of going around the OR trying to catch a tiny glimpse of what the doctor was actually doing. I liked the possibility of doing different types of surgeries each day (when in real life, hernias and removing gallbladders was all they did). I dread the thought of sitting in an office and seeing patients all day. I wanna see different things, deal with different things and do new stuff each day.

I guess reality is a slap in the face and I will never get to do all of those things I wanted. I thought I had discarded surgery completely but sadly I do not know if I want to do this. It's also very sad to think that I thought I had everything worked out in my head, that I had found the specialty I would do the rest of my life but now, now it seems I have lost track of what I want to do, and more importantly, what I must do.


Asklepieion. Jan 19, 2006

I walk up the steps,
Flinching in pain,
With every step I take.

I see the sick lying everywhere,
Everywhere I step,
There is still hope for some,
For some, it is too late.

I evade the ever-present stench,
It makes a knot in my stomach,
As I desperately seek for a bench,
Before nausea persist in my throat.

Ah, here they are,
The temple servants come to my aid,
They better treat me nice,
For a large sum of money in offering I have made.

I hear the sobs and the cries,
I try to put my mind away,
For I cannot stand the sounds of pain,
The temple priest assures me, it will all be okay.

No doctor has found a cure,
No one could my future foretell,
I was on the verge of death,
And only at the foot of Asklepios could I hope to get well.

Have I remembered to take it all?
Was my offering here? He asked, in a way.
Sure, the rooster is not one I would lack,
I had also made the order for a giant leg of clay.

Step right up, the high priest said,
As nausea came again,
The pool of sulfur was not somewhere I wanted to get in that day,
As the lepers passed through it, just before my time today.

I flinch in pain,
The servants are readily there to help me through,
I take a deep breath,
Ill do anything to find a cure.

The high priest handed me a goblet of wine,
Right after I had left the water of sulfur,
I was sure this was more than a simple goblet of wine,
It was supposed to help me in my pain, what was I supposed to do?

The abaton was in store for me,
I sighed with utter relief,
Asclepios would surely be content and complete with me going through this snake pit.
If not, Hygea would take pity on me.

I fall into a deep sleep,
Inside this incubator, where I shall get my visit,
Asclepios will sure see me,
And I shall dream of dogs and snakes to appease him.

Snakes are coming closer,
I can hear them in the distance,
I want to scream but I find a strong resistance,
I contain myself; I certainly am not getting any younger.

Snakes are on top of me now,
I shiver with fear,
I try to wake up, but I cant
I drown.

I am awakened by a priest,
Its time to go,
Tell me what you have dreamed.

A miracle! He yells,
You are cured, Asclepios has mercy!
A roar of applaud fills the temple walls,
As the sick cling on to a little hope before their fall.

I look around, puzzled and confused,
I do not feel any better than before I came in,
I walk out, in the daze I was put on,
Maybe I should cancel the order of my giant leg for these buffoons.

Disappointment fills my head,
As I try to make sense of the place I just left,
I sigh with utter despair,
I may have to look for hope somewhere else instead. 

My Space

I was looking around my old notes from Facebook and I had one that mentioned My Space. This, of course, was a really old note and naturally I headed over to My Space to see what I was referring to.
What I found was that I couldn't remember my login e-mail, let alone my login password. A few attempts later and an e-mail to retrieve my password I gained access again to my long-forgotten My Space account.
Everything had changed and what kinda hurt me the most was my profile: I had spent HOURS looking for a cool background and spent HOURS customizing it and making it my own. And now, none of it is available and none of it matters anymore. Sad.
I proceeded to look for my blog and what I had written there. After trying to sort through everything I had and trying to find ALL the posts I had made, I finally was able to transfer all of the previous blog posts here. A lot of nostalgia took over me, and I realized that my writing has since then declined to the point of ridiculousness. I have lost inspiration, I have lost vocabulary and overall... skill! >.<
Anyways, I will be posting some of my old stuff here now so I can re-share it, so people can maybe get to see it and hopefully somebody will like it.
Mr. Baby is not impressed. 


The 25 random things about me... just because... u know u wanna

I found this on one of my old notes from 2009 in Facebook. I forgot I had this and I thought it was funny. I should do a newer version of this and compare it to this old list. Should be fun! =D 

1. I say "LOL" in real life. 

2. I consider Ariel (from The little Mermaid) and Jasmine (from Aladdin) to be my personal heroes. 

3. I once started the rumor that I was the Queen of the Universe, and somehow, it spread like wildfire and now people actually call me this to the point I'm starting to believe it. 

4. I collect stuff: beads I find in the floor, little jewelry boxes and coins.

5. I have synesthesia. 

6. I am afraid of clowns because once, in a circus, one of them sat on my lap. 

7. I have always wanted to sew just so I can make my own clothes because I am a closet fashion designer. 

VIII. I can read ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs and runes. 

9. Gluttony is my sin... I love to eat. 

10. I have no sugar threshold. Nothing is too sweet for me.

11. I always joke that I will marry a nobleman who is a chef and also an orphan, so I can have a nobility title, do not need to cook and do not need to meet the in laws (this causes me terrible stress!)... also he is 6'6",an artist, has a gorgeous accent and blue eyes... I am a sucker for blue eyes! 

12. I have eaten boa.

13. I don't eat anything that swims. 

14. I love doing charity and volunteering makes me happy. 

15. I am afraid of microphones but I'm slowly conquering my fear of speaking in public.

16. I like animals like: unicorns (yes, I just said that), white tigers, pandas, elephants, manatees and dogs. 

17. I will live in India and do missionary work in the future. Oh yes. :) I'm dying to do this. 

XVIII. My computer has no number eight key because my dog Niko (RIP) jumped once on my laptop, and destroyed it, along with the F7 button... which I still don't know what it is for. 

19. Sometimes I think I'm a heretic. 

20. I'm very money-savvy... I do not go out and spend money just because.

21. I have heard some people say they like my eyes, yet I find absolutely NOTHING special about them, and I think that these people may just be pulling my leg. 

22. I have a thing for guys with long hair. I don't know what it is... it's just... awesome! =D

23. I will be 23 on June 23 and I wish I can celebrate it in Norway.

24. I'm tall, and I love wearing high-heels. You are shorter than I am? Deal with it! Most of my friends are only 5 feet tall, and though I look like their mother when we go out, I still wear 5 inch heels. :) 

25. I have no eye-hand coordination... whatsoever. I don't know how people hit a ball with the bat... I am amazed by this ability. 

26. Oops! :) My family and some of my friends call me Lola, even though I am not Dolores. The etymology comes from calling me Laura in English (sounds like Lora) and then... somehow Lola came to the picture. My dad calls me Pica, which also happens to be a symptom I possess because I am anemic.